the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What a dumb baby whore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
