Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
