His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
