I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
