You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
