She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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