May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
