Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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