Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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