My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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