im about as happy as oj after his trial
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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