do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
