Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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