let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
