just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
