I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
