I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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