DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
