My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
