I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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