maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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