you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
