Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
