Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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