you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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