I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
