Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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