party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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