I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
