I didn't shave. On purpose
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
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