Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
