Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
