So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Come on in and take your pants off
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