They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
