I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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