I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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