Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
