I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
