Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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