I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
