ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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