See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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