Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
