The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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