so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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