I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
