my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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