her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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