I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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