So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
