i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
